123456789

Mood: hmmmm

The Resignation was hindered. dont want to be formal now no la is just that its quiet unusual to sae wad i type previously. Not when we were very good friends that i and her excahange things and support each other. She's very fast to know everything that happened and i was right all along, she knoe me best but sometimes the thing concerned really is on best friends. I dont really like to talk about best friends or closest friends with anyone coz it seems so unnatural but its good thing that me and her are but i'm not sure if she still treats me as one after wad happened. That damn accident really was a hard one and i think she knows by now hmmmm i'm abit confused myself, sudden jam on my typing. Sigh, but all is well. She mentioned that she do not like me anymore and suprisingly my reaction that time shows that i want to be with her is because of i liking her, which is very errr shocking i guessed. I've realise that feelings have long been a source of conflict and part;y due to this i'm glad ssomehow that she dun like me any longer, which have me to change my ideology on liking her so that our friendship last long. Now i really want her to be my good friend i guess, but becoz i created this, no i shouldnt blame myself since things happened and she always asked me not to looked back, then hopefully we can be one again. somehow deep within me i feel that friendship with her is hard to break... Such good friends always support me and yeah guess i keep repeat that she's the best friend who had ever celebrated my birthday. Now that feelings are aside, and i got this feeling she also knows that when we do quarrel it resides but hopefuly it remains factual rather than fiction. I know somehow that we have to go through such mess and like my friends always say, the more u go through the more closer u get, hopefully this is true again. This blog would exist to show many things or rather mess and neatness with us. I dont want to lose her as a friend.... In fact nagging her is wad i like to do best and to support is the same story... hopefully.....

Mood: dissapointed

Today was Maths Paper2.. COnfirm A1, it was tideous yet challenging and yet after wad happenend yesterday, i managed to get hold of myself. English Mother Tongue and Maths are nice, left Chemistry and Physics to Conquer making sure if possible i get the course i want in poly, either Business or Biomedical science. yesterday was a twist of fate, something happened, putting me under great stress throughout the night. It was really under great fear and stress and depression and to have her saying what caroline said about me whining before leaving me scarred real bad alone just like that in the middle of the night only came to conclude that she's not my good friend afterall. I really didnt expec myself to be emotionally and mentally breakdown the day before and guessed shared eveything with her hoping she could support me but turns out that she gave me her cold shoulder. She's having the same ideology as caroline now, me whining and being a sicko and stuffs like that, things cant be helped now can it? maybe things are coming to end soon with me now on the road to recovery and i'll stop whining and forcing good friends now and would not bother any of the two anylonger. Yesterday indeed was terrible when she left me alone in despair while having treated me like what caroline did, i'm not blaming her, if this is the way it happened then likewise i'll accept afterall, yesterday night i could not get sleep, frantically hurt by her, caroline and all the life factors but denied that i'm hurt, that it almost smashed my o levels hard. After being in so much, practically i know good friends are not forcing stuffs and are not lasting, guess its not good friends but more to relationship thing we had but firmly standing from her forceful blow which left me at the tip of the mountain i've  somehow managed to let her go the hard way. No point looking back, currently we do our stuff,She's not my good friend any longer.. Long have i denined her being not a good friend of mine while i was the bad friend.. but things changed dont they,sadly to say, she's just someone from my past now that i've cared so much for. I Dont hate her simply because i do not hate people and she has indeed in some instances been my bestest friends i ever had, now things have to reside and about her, all the best for her, she have left my side and i guess now i'm ready to leave her side as well, just leaving her side hopefully.....  I made mistake myself i guess, cant be blamin her on everything but no point looking back.. if she wants to be normally treated then i guess her wishes are fulfilled, i will secretely step back which she would know as i know she knoes me better than anyone else...

Mood: Rational

Mood: unstable
Listening to: Sheila On 7 featuring Bunga Di Tepi Jalan

Today, its recrafted my stressed up situation with caili to a turn of the table. Usually caili would get hot with every explanation and the quarrel would drag even worst but she did not this time in fact she somehow understand the situation i'm in and did not even get angry and is able to joke around when i expected the opposite. Its really weird for her to do so when she really really would get hot for sure and given her tired condition would even more easily get angry but she didnt. She understand me for goodness sake, and i'm very happy she does. now we can really have peace.. i'm not writin much now because my mind is not preety stable yet. very unstable indeed

Mood: Sorrow... glad? donnoe which one but sorrowness is precisely inevitable
Listening to: Sheila On 7 featuring Seberapa pantas

Haizz.. i wanted to write this in malay but i've got to improve my english and it prevented me from doing so. Nowadays lots of problem arised back to back which made me feel so stressed up and to have to handle so much really is sickening. I've always keep myself strong up till today. Through easy and hard times especially this few weeks back really test my patience to the extreme and just today another yet lots of gruesome test wash over me. I've never blame myself or what has happened coz i believe he really wants to test me to the upmost which i would not want to fail and meet his expectation. I've realise this few weeks back really many things are upon me to really test me to the max but i must not lose, i dun wanna lose. I wan to be by his side and be happy in the world and the after life. No matter how hard it is for me now i've got to accept it and be happy with it. Just today the thing i feared that he will test me has been tested. A direct hit was aimed at me all along and this time it blew even harder, taking my loved ones from me. This time, i'm forced to part with her, i don't know why he tested me till this extent.. it made me sad but what can i possibly do? if this is another test of his then sadly i must not fail it. Even though its quite hurting, i have to let it go hopefully not forever. Hopefully someday my wish would be granted by him... SHe was indeed a wonderful friend, being there when i always need somebody, somebody i always cry on with my problems and we went through even worst than cats and dogs would ahha. That was indeed a memorable one, someone i've only dedicated so much on her education, attitude and so much more. I'm glad he allowed me to do so but i guess not for long. well, thank god he allowed me to do so for  such hapiness really is very nice. I still remember teaching her hapilly, supporting her band practice, sending her to school and so much more, and she even celebrated my birthday and bought me presents... i'll remember all this thing for as long as i live. Sometimes i realise i really need to accept things with an open heart. I'm glad with sorrow but i know, its because he loves me, my one and only god....  

Mood: Guilty
Listening to: none

SsoO SsweetT!!!!

Today i was late for class. I was waken up by Shurki's call from class at 0930 when it was to start at 0900. I ride to school as i usually did in time constrain situation and when i reached school at about 0945 i saw a group of band member in the Parade Square, causing me to take a detour, taking the stairs near the HOD room. At the fourth floor, i took a scenery of the band members and saw her sitting on the parade square with a white cap on and playing her flute. She was SOOOOOOO SWEET!!! somehow i feel like more attracted to her when we were supposed to be only friends. As long as i keep it to myself, things might not fortell. But seriously speaking, i stood there looking at her.. she is really sweet!!!...very sweet indeed which left me smiling throughout the day =) even now i can recall how sweet she really was... i'm touched 

A Misconception

As i looked at her in the parade square before and after lesson today, reminds me of the quarrel we had yesterday which ended up not in bad terms but rather in a situation i myself do not know of its agony. Am i being too sensitive? how could this happen when i was not all along, when we were playing and chatting till late at night the last few days? When i ask people, they said that i was jealous, but why suddenly i became jealous of her when i was not weeks and weeks back? However, the fact that i would be fine with her playing with anyone if i'm not jealous drive some sense to what was told. Am i jealous?? =S afterall, we are just friends and howcome i feel jealousy at this point of time? they also mentioned that i loved her too much which was somewhat shocking. This comments made left me thinking about it and somehow i feel it is true. I'm jealous and loved her too much i guess =/ i cant believe it either but to think that it's not is very weird indeed. Before this, i always know that someday we will be what i've always wanted and jealousy takes the scene =/ this is irritating , looks like i've to apologies to her before things turn out worst sigh...hopefully she would forgive me.. i didn't mean to hurt her ='(  

Ramadhan's Over

Last Day Of Fasting Today. Tomorrow is Hari Raya but this year, it will not be as exciting as the previous ones because next monday is Officially O level examination which will end on the 18th of November. All the excitement is drenched by the upcoming examination along with those of my sis' so instead of celebrating it full scale, tomorrow is going to be yet another normal day with not much of promising fun. Tomorrow my family will head for both my grand parent's place at Yishun and Yew Tee afterwhich high chance maybe one of my uncle place and that's it. I'm abit nervous coz this year is my first time having to apologies to all my uncles and aunties and honestly speaking i'm abit shy when it comes to things like this. As this is my first time,when i did not apologies while my sister did previous year, die die also i have to apologies as this is always the custom. ALthough i feel that its not a shameful thing to do, i'm just being too shy, maybe its just the way i am but cant be helped. I need to apologies although it might seems a bit hard for me. Otherwise, food is what i'm looking for tomorrow with all the biscuits and cakes and foods that i dreaded to eat for so long. =D As far as i'm concern, i'm going to eat as much as i can get hold of, coz my mum don't cook me proper food. Damn i'm nervous for tomorrow.. =S